Jay and Silent Bob Strike Kanagawa
by Mozzarella
Summary: Jay and Silent Bob in Love Hina! Rated for excessive use of foul language. rr!
1. How To live In A Dorm

This is my second fic. Yay for me! This was just something that came to me all of a sudden. Maybe it was when the club hit me in the head? Anyway, this is just saying that Love Hina doesn't belong to me (it belongs to Ken Akamatsu) and the concept of Jay and Silent Bob belong to Kevin Smith. Enjoy!  
  
Haruka was doing her normal thing. She stood idly in front of her store sweeping, admiring the beautiful day that was soon to be. Or should've been.  
  
"Yo lunchbox, this fucking sucks. That bitch said she'd be here and that she'd fucking blow us. And where the fuck is she? She's probably in fucking Jersey, fucking blowing two other fucks."  
  
Silent Bob did nothing but nod his head in agreement.  
  
Haruka immediately knew trouble was clear on its way.  
  
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Kanagawa!  
  
"Damn, man, and I fuckin' wasted my time to learn fucking Jap (Please don't take this as an offense to Japanese) language." Jay was clearly pissed off. But, what could he do? He didn't bring any money with him and he doesn't even know what the fuck credit cards are. So, our stoner duo appeared to be stuck in Kanagawa prefecture for quite some time. All he had was his weed to get high on. Maybe he could sell it? Of course, he's gonna sell it. He's a dealer and that's what he does with his heterosexual life mate, Silent Bob. More like Silent Bob Who Occasionally Talks. But that's too long of a name so we'll keep it at Silent Bob.  
  
Silent Bob nudged at Jay, who was trying to mack it with some fine Asian chicks.  
  
"What the fuck do you want, lunchbox?"  
  
Silent Bob, being brighter than his brain dead fellow, pointed toward the Hinata Café where Haruka was currently sweeping.  
  
"What man, they ain't selling no snacks there. It's a fuckin' café. You know, where haiku writing motherfuckers like to go."  
  
Silent Bob didn't listen to a word Jay said. He knew that he'd say something like that and went his way towards the café. Jay reluctantly followed his tubby friend.  
  
"Hey, man, this wall feels just right. Like the Quick Stop," Jay told Silent Bob, who in turn nodded his head in agreement.  
  
Keitaro, Naru, and Motoko (along with Tama-chan) were currently in the café when they noticed our stoner duo.  
  
"What are those two doing standing right there?" Naru asked, worry clear in her voice.  
  
"Don't worry Naru. They're just relaxing in their own way," Keitaro replied.  
  
"I sense certain malevolence from them," Motoko stated in her usual pensive tone.  
  
Haruka knew they weren't going to calm down unless someone approached the two loiters. And so she did.  
  
"Can I help you?" she asked, her cigarette still in her mouth.  
  
Now the gears of Jay's brain slowly turned. A hot Asian chick was asking to help him. That obviously means.  
  
"Shit yeah. You could blow me."  
  
Haruka didn't know how to react. She had never met anyone like this before. All she did was give them a strange look and left them alone.  
  
"Yeah, bitches love me." Jay said matter-of-factly.  
  
Silent Bob just acknowledged the fact that his buddy was retarded.  
  
Motoko and Naru were still a little nervous about them and so Keitaro tried to calm them down.  
  
"You don't need to worry about them. They'll probably be leaving soon."  
  
Three weeks later  
  
One of the usual Hinata café customers (a woman) left to return home after a nice chat with Haruka over a nice cup of tea. She passed by two suspicious individuals.  
  
"Yo baby, ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?!"  
  
She started walking a bit faster.  
  
"Shit yeah lunchbox. All we gots to do is sell the rest of our weed and we can be back in fucking Jersey. So where the fuck is it?" Jay asked.  
  
Silent Bob did his gesture of 'I don't fucking have it.'  
  
"Then where the fuck is it bitch?"  
  
That's when they saw a turtle. A hot-springs turtle. A flying hot-springs turtle. A flying hot-springs turtle with all their weed!  
  
"Hey, you fucking squirrel!! Give me my shit back!!"  
  
Thus, the chase began. First, through the café. Then, onward through Kanagawa. For a while Jay and Silent Bob lost Tama-chan and decided to stop some movie about them (Who would pay to see that?). After that, they found Tama-chan again and resumed the hunt back to Kanagawa.  
  
"Lunchbox, do somethin'!!!"  
  
Silent Bob looked at Jay, trying to say through his eyes 'What the fuck am I supposed to do about a flying turtle!?'  
  
All at once the chase ended. Why? Because Tama-chan just ate the weed.  
  
Conveniently, they were right out in front of Hinata Inn.  
  
"Is something wrong, sirs?"  
  
The stoner duo looked down and saw Keitaro with Tama-chan on his shoulder.  
  
"Is that your fucking turtle!?"  
  
"Uh, yeah."  
  
"He just fucking ate the only damn thing I had left that could've fuckin' gotten me back to fuckin' Jersey! Now, you've got to get me back there bitch!"  
  
Keitaro was worried. No, more like shittin' in his pants. Here were two Americans, threatening to do something to him for something he doesn't even know about.  
  
"W-W-Wait, h-hold on. Look, why don't you just stay here for a while a-and we can work something out."  
  
"You better do somethin' about it, or my manservant will have to fuck you up like Perkaset."  
  
"Let me just show you your rooms for now and we'll discuss this later."  
  
And so our stoner duo stays at Hinata Inn thanks to Tama-chan, who shortly after, returned the weed that she had actually just hid in her shell.  
  
That's it for now. If you kind people would send me some reviews I might just keep writing. Even flames will be accepted due to the fact that I live in South Florida and there's nothing you people can send that's hotter than the temperature right now. For the most part, a lot of this stuff I just implemented from the 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back' but I promise to add my own stuff in the later chapters. R+R Please! 


	2. Time for Introductions

Hello to all who are reading this fic! This is the second chapter to my critically acclaimed story, 'Jay and Silent Bob Strike Kanagawa.' For those of you who have quickly become fans of this story, please accept my apologies for taking so long to update. With Final Fantasy XI, Halo, and school work to do it's hard to find time to write. This chapter may be lewd and just plain wrong for some people, but I think it's important to take into account that this is Jay and Silent Bob we're talking about. So, without further adieu, here's the second chapter! And just in time for the Holidays!  
  
AN: Love Hina doesn't belong to me (it belongs to Ken Akamatsu) and the concept of Jay and Silent Bob belong to Kevin Smith.  
  
"You did what!?" Naru shouted.  
  
"I'm sorry, I panicked," Keitaro replied.  
  
If you didn't know, our stoner duo has been invited to stay at the Hinata House for a variety of reasons. Just go and read chapter one.  
  
"How could you think of letting those two stay here!? Do you know what they might do to us!? And they deal with drugs! How do you know the police won't raid the house!?" Naru screamed into Keitaro's ear and wringed his neck. She was now painting a rather morbid scene in her mind (think 'Scarface').  
  
Shinobu tried her best to calm Naru down. "Please, Naru-sempai, I'm sure Sempai has a reason for letting them stay. Right, Sempai?"  
  
Keitaro remained where he sat, trying to figure out for himself whether or not he knew the reasons as to why he let them stay.  
  
"Relax people," Kitsune, our optimist, said. "As far as I know, they're too stupid to get into any real trouble."  
  
"Kitsune makes a rather convincing argument," Motoko responded.  
  
"And they'll only be here until Keitaro gets them some money to go back to America," Kitsune pointed out.  
  
"All that might be true, but I still can't let them stay here! We already have one boy here, who is already a pain, two more would just make things worse!" Naru argued.  
  
"Those two, make things worse? That's a load of crap. They're American's who can actually tell when trouble is apparent. And, look at it this way Naru: we've got 4 more hands to help clean up the place."  
  
"Hmmm... Well, okay, fine. But the moment they do something wrong, its one punch straight out of here." Naru conceded.  
  
If you want to know as to why Kitsune thought our infamous stoner trio should stay, it's only a matter of thinking. Like any other person, she has heard that drug dealers make loads of money, and so she thought she could exploit them into buying what she wanted. It's a shame she doesn't know the truth about the two. As to why Motoko would agree, she felt she was getting a little rusty in her technique, and maybe two training dummies (pun intended) would help her out.  
  
"Well, I might as well bring them here and we'll have a formal introduction."  
  
"That's a wonderful idea Keitaro." Kitsune responded.  
  
Keitaro climbed his way up the stairs and made his way to the new guest's room.  
  
"Excuse me, sirs? I was wondering if you would like to come down and meet the rest of the residents."  
  
"Lunchbox, let's go. I heard from a bunch of people outside that this place is filled with fucking tight pussied bitches." I think you'd know who said that.  
  
Keitaro heard the two getting up and walking toward to hall, but he didn't hear the door slide open. Instead, he saw Jay break through the weak paper and wood framings.  
  
"Shit, how the fuck are you supposed to open these piece-of-shit doors?"  
  
Silent Bob helped his buddy up as Keitaro explained to them the concept of sliding open the door. They still didn't get it after a visual demonstration. Giving up hope on teaching these two about opening the door, he showed them downstairs.  
  
"Holy shit lunchbox, look at all the fine pussy here!" Jay exclaimed in English. Silent Bob was quick to agree. I mean, who wouldn't.  
  
"Yay! Let's start the introductionies!" Su cheered happily.  
  
"Okay, everyone, these are the two men who will be staying with us. Jay and.. What' your name?" Keitaro asked.  
  
Silent Bob was opening his mouth when Jay cut him off. "Yo, check it, I'm Jay and this is my heterosexual life mate, Silent Bob." Silent Bob opened his mouth again, "We're from America. Jersey represent!" Jay said as he cut off Bob once again.  
  
"Okay, now that you're introduced, let me introduce to you the current residents of Hinata-sou" Keitaro stated.  
  
"First off, this is Naru. She's your ordinary run-of-the mill girl if you exclude her extraordinary uppercuts. So, just remember to stay off her bad side."  
  
"Shit," Jay whispered to Silent Bob, "I'll show her an uppercut with my dick" They both started chuckling amongst themselves  
  
"Then there's Shinobu. She's the one who does all the food and clothes. A real nice and innocent girl."  
  
"I don't know Silent Bob," Jay whispered once more, "She seems somewhat small to me." Silent Bob gave him the look that tries to say 'She's fucking in Middle School!'.  
  
"This here is Motoko. She's a studying Kendo-ist who is a master of her art. Don't get on her bad side either, or she'll probably kill you with her sword."  
  
"Damn she's fucking fine," the two whispered, "I'll let her train with my sword any day." This ensued another series of quiet laughing.  
  
"This is Kitsune. Her real name is Mitsune, but just call her Kitsune. You don't really want to get too close with her because more likely than not, she's just after your money."  
  
"If all she wants is a bit of money, I can tell her what to do for it," Jay joked with Silent Bob.  
  
"This little girl here is Sarah. She's also from America, but she lives here now. She'll probably get you two in some trouble, but she's a real nice kid."  
  
"Lastly, this is Su. She's a foreigner, but not from America. We don't know where she's from. We do know that she likes building new inventions and that she's totally weird. So, watch out, because she'll probably end up having you do weird things for experiments."  
  
Jay's mind began to ponder this last statement.  
  
Weird experiments...  
  
That means..  
  
"You mean like those bitches who chug ass cock down at Tijuana?"  
  
Total silence. Strange faces from Kitsune, Naru, and Keitaro. Shinobu on the brink of tears from having such a thought. A look of murderous rage and embarrassment from Motoko. A totally unaffected Su and Sarah.  
  
"What? Ass means donkey?"  
  
The gates of chaos finally opened. Shinobu ran away in tears. Su pondered what a cock was and whether it sounded like it tasted good or not. Kitsune, Naru, and Keitaro did a face fault. And Motoko was drawing her sword to cut down the two imbeciles.  
  
"How dare you say such things in this household! In front of the children, nonetheless. I can't allow this! I'll strike you down where you stand!"  
  
"Wait, Motoko. They're not like me. They're normal people!"  
  
Motoko would not have any of that though. Her samurai honor demanded that these two malevolent souls be brought down for their crimes.  
  
"Ultimate Technique: Thunder Blade!"  
  
An explosion shakes the very foundations of Kanagawa prefecture. Nearly a ton of dust shoots to the sky, and then calm comes. The calm right after a storm, when all the damage is surveyed. The Hinata House is a wreck inside. The cloud of smoke, dust, and wood clears and our Stoner duo remains where they were, still laughing about their little jokes.  
  
"H-How can this be!? They survived my greatest assault!"  
  
"Yeah, what gives? They were supposed to go -boom- and make funny sounds like Keitaro" Su complained.  
  
"Unless..." Motoko pondered.  
  
"Unless what, Motoko?" Naru asked her friend.  
  
"Her attacks use ki to defeat her enemies. The fact that they've been doing drugs for so long is the very reason why they survived. Meaning that, they are emotionally hollow, thus letting her destructive ki pass through them harmlessly," Haruka answered Naru, as she just came in to the door.  
  
"I guess you're gonna have a lot on your hands Keitaro" Haruka commented.  
  
That's it for Chapter two. Tell me what you think. Tell me what you think could've made this better. And you can flame me all you want, because I'm freezing here in South Florida since it's the cold season. 


End file.
